Committed Felony, Fell in Hole: How My Girls Night Out Went

I'm trying to make friends in our new home (3.5 years new) and it's haarrrrdddd. I'm only mildly social and pretty busy with kids, pets, job, other job, and complaining on the internet.

Because I live near a big city and am willing to pay for it, there are people with solutions to every problem- including how to find friends. I found a women's networking thing where you meet at different places with the same group of similar-ish women for 6 weeks in a row and ideally leave with bff's for forever. It kept coming across my Facebook feed and so a few weeks ago, I bit.

Of course, when the night finally came, I made every attempt to get out of it, but life fell into place and I had no excuse but to go and be social with strangers. (Barf) Even within a block of the venue, in downtown San Jose, California, I almost backed out...partially because I took a wrong turn and ended up driving down a trolley and bikes only sidewalky lane. As I drove between the lovely trees on a surface that was pretty obviously NOT car-friendly, I hoped I might be inconspicuous with my head sticking out top of my new tiny convertible. I was not.

A cyclist did a double-take at the intersection, and I was like, "Yeah, so I don't think I belong here..." and he told me, nicely, that what I was doing was a felony and so I really should stop. I pulled out onto a real road and eventually found parking and the networking group, but I'm waiting for the police to show up saying they have me on camera looking like a mayor in a parade all by myself.

So then I went to the thing and...it was not terrible. It was held in a bar and we all got a drink ticket. Some people got food. The leader was cool and effective. We started by introducing ourselves ("Hi, my name's Sarah. I've been a social worker in Mississippi and owned a vegan ice cream business in Detroit. I've been a Physician Assistant in surgery for fifteen years and am now doing that part-time while also trying to get my book published. I've written two novels. I have two kids and one husband and too many pets. I like to read, do yoga, and binge watch shows.") Most people are in tech jobs (because of where we live) and many grew up in other countries and came here for education and stayed. Some were married. Most had dogs. None had kids.

I had a good ten to twelve years on everyone there, I think. And forty pounds. There was a lot of talk of fitness classes and dieting. Despite that, it was easy to find a lot in common and the convo's were fun and energetic. I did not hate it.

Part of what made the large group, and the breakout one-on-one convo's easy was they give you some goals- find 10 things in common, discuss a weird hobby or adventure you've gone on, etc. The small talk was structured. That helps. Also, I suppose we were all a bit vulnerable, being there in the first place, saying we're lonely and need connection, so we were maybe more open than we would have been normally.

At one point, we went around describing things we're proud of (it's wild how women struggle to do this- and some of these women have WILDLY successful, impressive careers and lives) and something we're worried about for which we could use support. It was lovely. It reminded me why I love friendship with women.

I was told my bio was "inspirational." And not in a, "Wow, MeeMaw, you got out of the house tonight! Good job!" but like, "You do ALL that AND you have kids? Tell me more about your big book on death." It's easy to brush off compliments or underestimate what I've done, but it felt good to be recognized. There's potential here with some of the people in the group and just getting out there and trying it was empowering, as well. I'll probably go to the rest of the events they have planned and see what comes of it. I felt better about myself leaving than when I showed up...is THAT why we need friends? Is it a self-esteem thing?

As we were all leaving the bar for our cars, I stepped off the curb into a recessed tree box and nearly fell and broke myself, so if any of them had the misconception that I'm at all cool, I clarified it for them.